Cute limerick! Very whimsical and comical. Some of the lines need meter fixed a bit- in the second line replace "challenged" with 'said' for example, and I think it'll be clear, as well as "I turned queasy green". The last line is a bit colloquial- maybe "Well the choice was still up to you!" Otherwise clever riff on free will and how we often view invitation as compulsion. Very cute!
This is such a cute poem! I like the fact that it is so short - it really drives the message home that much quicker! The simple diction makes the poem comical and it really works in the limerick style. Great job!
Hehe! This is so cute! I like elves, I like Peru, and making other people smell shoes is a great topic! I would suggest tightening up the meter-- it's what ties the whole poem together. I suppose one exception is okay, but it would make the poem even funnier if such a whimsical event could occur in a neat limerick.
I am not sure why my comment didn't post (so sorry). I like that it is short, but makes great use of it's length. I thought it was funny and cute, but I felt like I was waiting for more. It didn't seem satisfying. After I read, "Haha the choice - still up to you," I wanted to hear more. I wanted more of a story. But I thought that the humor in this was written very well, and I liked the opening line as well. Good job.
Looks like that one limerick set off a number of others. I don't have much to say about this one, except that if you want it to be in perfect limerick meter, you'll need to work on the last few lines.
For example this line: "I immediately turned green" would fit better with the meter of the limerick if was "It was then I turned green."
The Wikipedia entry for limericks explains them pretty well.
Cute limerick! Very whimsical and comical. Some of the lines need meter fixed a bit- in the second line replace "challenged" with 'said' for example, and I think it'll be clear, as well as "I turned queasy green". The last line is a bit colloquial- maybe "Well the choice was still up to you!" Otherwise clever riff on free will and how we often view invitation as compulsion. Very cute!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a cute poem! I like the fact that it is so short - it really drives the message home that much quicker! The simple diction makes the poem comical and it really works in the limerick style. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHehe! This is so cute! I like elves, I like Peru, and making other people smell shoes is a great topic! I would suggest tightening up the meter-- it's what ties the whole poem together. I suppose one exception is okay, but it would make the poem even funnier if such a whimsical event could occur in a neat limerick.
ReplyDeletereally cute poem! I think the last line needs a bit of work on the meter but otherwise thumbs up!
ReplyDeleteI am not sure why my comment didn't post (so sorry).
ReplyDeleteI like that it is short, but makes great use of it's length. I thought it was funny and cute, but I felt like I was waiting for more. It didn't seem satisfying. After I read, "Haha the choice - still up to you," I wanted to hear more. I wanted more of a story. But I thought that the humor in this was written very well, and I liked the opening line as well. Good job.
Looks like that one limerick set off a number of others. I don't have much to say about this one, except that if you want it to be in perfect limerick meter, you'll need to work on the last few lines.
ReplyDeleteFor example this line: "I immediately turned green" would fit better with the meter of the limerick if was "It was then I turned green."
The Wikipedia entry for limericks explains them pretty well.