“Flip, Dip or Rip”
I seethe through my teeth
As an insidious venom makes its way
One misstep
One wall
A pulsating tomato at the end of my foot
Hop hop hop
Around and around
They did it in 80 days
The nail is still intact
Hop hop hop
At least there's that
Focus on what you have
“Who is rich? Someone who is happy with what he has”
Hop hop hop
A chuckle, a chortle,
Turns into uproarious laughter
Flip through the desert
Dip in the ocean
Rip through the jungle
80 days? Too fast
Smell the roses
This is a really funny poem that i enjoyed reading. It took me a few tries to realize that it was about stubbing your toe and even still the 80 days part still kind of confused me. I guess that would be my main comment; a little more clarity. I kinda assumed the 80 days was a reference to Around the World in 80 Days so I read it with that implication. The only other thing I would say is that the tomato at the end of my foot line kind of glares out from the rest of the poem. In general I really like it and it lends to an almost visceral reaction because it accurately describes that unpleasant occurrence and the hopping about after words
ReplyDeleteI agree, Eli, Solid comments.
DeleteI like the way that this poem talks about stubbing a toe in such seriousness. It made me laugh, but also made it so serious in my mind. I love the way that you start with your reaction, and then introduce later what happened, but you never really say it. And the reactions are so spot on. I could imagine everything that you were saying, "insidious venom," " a pulsating tomato." I thin everyone feels that way when it happens, and it made me laugh. Although, I was a little confused with the 80 days reference.
ReplyDeleteI loved the imagery and comparison to a venom and a tomato - I actually laughed out loud. I liked the reference to "Around the World in 80 days".
ReplyDeleteAre you trying to distract yourself from the pain by thinking up some quote from Chazal? And then that quote makes you laugh because its telling you to focus on what you have, but if you do so (meaning focus on your stubbed toe), you'll feel even more pain! And the whole point of thinking of the quote was to not focus on what you currently have. That is quite funny.
So, I understood this far, but then the last 4 lines threw me off. Are you referencing the actual journey in the Jules Vernes novel? Are you doing so to distract yourself from the pain? Or are you pondering how impossible such an endeavor (of traveling around the world in only 80 days) would be, especially with your stubbed toe?
Or, is it meant to be ambiguous? :)
What I don't understand (yet) is how the stubbed toe acts as a metaphor?
Good job on the tight language. It feels right to the poem's tone, plus to the situation of stubbing your toe - you're not really thinking up long, eloquent sentences in that moment of "pain-hopping" :)
I'm going to admit that I don't really get what "flip, dip, or rip" is--is it some kind of schoolyard game? That causes the speaker to injure herself? Because of that I don't entirely get what the payoff is in the end of "flip through the desert, dip in the ocean, rip through the jungle."
ReplyDeleteI was still able to enjoy the poem, though.
I liked the repetitive "hop hop hop"
The choppy, spare quality really works for this poem, as does the free association (hop around--around the world in eighty days)--there's a sense of being inside someone's mind.
Maybe that's why I didn't mind not knowing exactly what was going on at every moment--I was interested in seeing inside the speaker's head but accepted that I didn't entirely understand everything she thought.
I liked the image of the "pulsating tomato"--it's unique and vivid--I assume the speaker injured her foot--and part of the message of the poem is that she's trying to see the good in the situation...
I love the descriptiveness in this poem in connection to the simplicity revolving around a toe. However, I was a bit puzzled as to why it says, "80 days". It seems to need some clarification as to why that it is important for the reader to know. I also didn't really catch the metaphor right away with the stubbed toe. Maybe the poem would sound better if the emphasis on the subject of "around the world" would read in a more subtle kind of way? The toe seems to be the core of the poem. The focus should be more on the toe itself or the last thing said at the end of the poem tying all the words in together should be about the toe-- the main subject.
ReplyDeleteI really like the line "Smell the Roses" (maybe not to end the poem with-- maybe to start off the poem..) It conveys that no matter what happens (in this case a stubbed toe) is a "it should be the worst thing" kind of situation. And that it's crucial to "Smell the Roses", and remain positive throughout and the bad experiences we individual go through will not be as bad with a better attitude.
Deletewe as individuals*
DeleteI chuckled as I read this poem. I love how you turned a toe stub into a whole Poem. I thought it was unique and original. What I didn't understand is the end - Flip through the desert
ReplyDeleteDip in the ocean
Rip through the jungle
80 days?
Smell the roses
I didn't see the connection to a toe stub.
I loved this metaphor - "A pulsating tomato at the end of my foot"
"Hop hop hop"- that line really brought some vivid imagery to mind when I think of a toe stub and jumping around in pain.
Well done!
While it's a bit mysterious, I read this poem as being about either being in a hurry all the time or taking it easy and "smelling the roses.
ReplyDeleteLike others, I got the Around the World in 80 Days reference, and it became clear to me by your use of the phrase "around and around: right before it.
"I seethe through my teeth" uses a great internal rhyme and is musically effective. Strong line.
"Joyously appreciative" is too abstract for my taste.
The tomato image is slapstick-funny, and I like funny poems.
Like Avigayil above, I didn't get the whole "Flip, Dip or Rip" thing or understand why the line was in quotes.