The Doddery resides in a shack on the banks of the
Superannuated River. It is not a creature of solitude, yet it lives in a
perpetual state of lonesomeness. The low, constant murmur that emanates from
its mouth is drowned out only by the wheezing and snorting that escapes its
nose, intermittently. None of these noises however, compare to the deafening
silence that accompanies the Doddery’s vacant stare. Whether in a state of motion or eerily
still, the milky white eyes, clouded by cataracts force you to look
away, yet mesmerize you to maintain a gruesome-feeling eye contact. The gnarled hands
of this monster abruptly grasp the poor soul that manages to come too close.
The Doddery moves as slow as a sloth but as methodically as a cheetah stalking its prey, and if one
doesn’t watch his step, the painful shuffle may feel like a high speed chase. If the Doddery does manage to catch you, you may not remember your past life. You will be forced to adopt his ways. Once he catches you, there is no turning back. Be warned. There
is a peculiar scent that accompanies this beast at all times. It is difficult
to pinpoint exactly what it resembles, it is perhaps urine mixed with a fishbones and just a hint of mothballs, but any unfortunate soul that takes a whiff
will know it immediately, and the dread that accompanies it will begin to slither up his spine.
I know this because I
have been that unfortunate soul. I was immune to the monster in the throes of my
youth but as I have begun to understand, the true dread that accompanies this
most terrifying of beasts only assaults one’s senses later on in life. There is
but one person who has managed to escape the fear of the Doddery and if you
hope to as well, you must heed his word. I am on my own journey find the Fountain of Youth.
This is adorable!
ReplyDeleteWhen I began the poem, I did not know what 'doddery' meant, but by the end, I understood it as a symptom of old age, of moving slowly, which it actually means (I looked it up afterwards) - so great job describing this state of being.
"methodically as a cheetah" - I didn't know cheetahs were so methodical. I understand you're going for the speed of a cheetah, but if it's 'methodical' you want, maybe replace with 'spider' - they're the most methodical creature I can think of at the moment - methodical in spinning their webs. Or, switch 'methodical' to a noun denoting speed.
"The gnarled hands of this monster impulsively grasp the poor soul that manages to get too close." - this reminds me of dementors :) I thought "impulsively" was unnecessary. Also, maybe replace "get" with "comes" - it just sounds better, more polished than "get," and this is a polished encyclopedic entry.
"Whether in a state of motion of eerily still, the milky white eyes that are clouded by cataracts force you to look away, yet mesmerize you to maintain a gruesome eye contact." Being still isn't a state of motion. I thought to reword part of the sentence like this: "the milky white eyes, clouded by cataracts, force you to look away." I thought "gruesome" unnecessary - also, eye contact can't be gruesome itself (I think). Maybe his eyes are gruesome, but not the eye contact itself.
The "Peter Pan" addition was so clever! If anyone didn't understand what 'doddery 'is, "Peter pan" definitely cleared it up.
Typo: "head" should be "heed."
I think this is one of your best poems.
This is a really cool poem! The academic voice works because it gives the speaker authority, and then I'm pleasantly surprised the poetic and musical language. I especially loved the line "Whether in a state of motion or eerily still, the milky white eyes, clouded by cataracts force you to look away, yet mesmerize you to maintain a gruesome-feeling eye contact." -- it really portrays and image of being caught by a startling and disturbing site.
ReplyDeleteI was a bit confused by the Peter Pan reference at the end-- it took me off guard because I thought you were creating your own monster, but the mention of a character from another story made me wonder if the two were related. I understand that Peter Pan has evaded this "monster", but I wonder how the poem would feel if the last two sentences were removed?